I'll Never Let Go

So is there ever an ok time to admit a Celine Dion obsession? Because seriously. Part of it is watching Titanic to many times as a young adult (which some people can probably relate to even if they won't admit it). Somewhere I have a tape full of different radio edits of THAT song spliced with actual film dialog ("the ship is sinking and there aren't enough lifeboats." You know what I'm saying, don't pretend otherwise). So that's about a third of it.

I don't even really like Cathy Griffin but she has certainly contributed to the problem. I caught part of her stand up routine on Bravo once (sometimes there is just nothing on cable). She was describing seeing Celine Dion in Vegas and the way she tells it makes it sound like an amazing show. Specifically the part where Celine comes out on stage and is shocked (!-Simply shocked!) that anyone came to see her despite the fact that she apparently sells out the house every.single.night. And, from the way Kathy tells it, she's so appreciative and gracious and gentile that it seems like going to see Celine Dion in concert would be a total ego boost for every member of the audience. (And I bet she does the song from Titanic like eight times complete with radio edits-seriously, I'm not getting over that any time soon).

Around the time I saw this on TV, a friend from work actually went to Las Vegas where Celine Dion had residency at one of the major hotels. And so of course I jokingly suggested that she go see the concert and report back (and then later not-so-jokingly begged-I'm not a proud person). To strengthen my case, and because I have to entertain myself somehow, I ended up drawing my imagined photo montage of Celine Dion's show. Celine Dion singing at the front of the stage, Celine Dion gliding over the audience on a swing (didn't she do that in a perfume commercial once?), Celine Dion on a faux-Titanic prow, Celine sprawled on the top of a grand piano and so forth. It was a marvelous artistic achievement for all that it only resembled actual fact insofar as the figure looked vaguely lady-like with a long face and even longer hair.


(Essentially what I drew)

And maybe this would all be fine and normal and within the realm of acceptability except for the fact that I often find myself referencing a deep-seated love of Ms. Dion with people who are not privy to the joke (or at least the back-story to what was once a joke but is maybe bordering on sad reality if loitering in Walgreens for the sole purpose of hearing the rest of THAT song is any indication, sadly without the movie quotes).

If there were any defense, it would be that my obsession is really with an intentionally fictional Celine. I'd liken my love of Ms. Dion to an ironic infatuation (intentionally defining irony the way Alanis Morsette did or in the way people say some T-shirts are ironic when they are not). I don't really want to see Celine Dion live or run her fan club but it amuses me to claim to want to do both. And it amuses me even more to try to convince others to want to want to do those things too.

Which is a not so subtle reference to my obsession with (quoting) The Breakup (a movie I have not and will not see though I did see the preview a billion times), which I will probably not ever explain in this space because doing so would be a rehashing of the whole Celine Dion thing.